On the BBC website, and on the radio, author Sarah Dunant asked, “Does the sex debate exclude men?” While I recommend reading the whole article in order to fully engage with why I disagree with her, she makes a comment that, to me, negates her thesis, which I wouldn’t have agreed with anyway. That said, I think there is room to talk about the roles of men in these discussions; men, and their opinions, are key allies in all genders gaining sexual equality.
The author states: “We accept that in the aftermath of feminism growing up male can be hard: but where are the big public conversations about men’s sexuality,” and that is the problem with her thesis. We are not in the aftermath of feminism, nor in a post-feminist society. Growing up male is hard because society has gender roles and gender norms that negatively affect men as well. Feminism seeks to eradicate those gender norms. I have little pity for men grappling with growing up in a society where women are beginning to have some of the same rights and power men have always had.
Perhaps she meant “since the advent of,” but it’s hard to know, especially as “aftermath” is most often used, and most commonly defined as, describing events following a disaster. I don’t mean to mince words, but in an article that wonders why there isn’t more debate from men, unclear language only hinders her argument. But if I take the common uses of “aftermath,” her whole argument relies on the presumption that feminism succeeded. I also don’t think, since raping women is no longer acceptable courtship, that we have ample cause to say “Look how far we’ve come!” I think there’s reasons to be optimistic (it was hard for a woman to open a bank account in the 1950s without a husband) about the progress we’ve made, but there is so much left to do, especially as feminism has traditionally, and still does, overwhelmingly benefit white feminists. Perhaps it’s different in the UK, but the language debate about rape in the US is terrifying and feels like we are at risk for losing progress because we are- many US states have been imposing stricter and draconian abortion laws. These men are being shot down by women because their views are misogynistic, Galloway’s view that Assange practiced bad sexual etiquette for example, and I don’t believe ill informed, hateful, speech deserves to be given the equal consideration of thoughtful discourse. Should I applaud Galloway for speaking up to defend rape culture? How brave of him? Do I believe in the possibility that having a conversation with Gallaway about why his views are harmful and perpetuate rape culture in the hopes his views will evolve is worthwhile? Yes. Does that mean his comments shouldn’t be bashed online. No.
However, men do need to be talking about rape. In high school, discussions about rape, date rape, and understating consent (anyone who doesn’t believe what Assange did is rape does not truly understand consent) could go a long way to combating rape culture and sexual violence. That is the silence I am most considered about- all genders must fight sexual violence, whether it’s rape or laws limiting a women’s right to chose, the most harmful side effects of societies, that for all the sexual revolution did accomplish, still fear women’s sexuality and power. Imagine debating 50 Shades of Grey in a society without sexual violence? We could actually focus on the different facets of human sexuality and pleasure or on the bad writing! If we believe feminism accomplished all it set out to do, our hope for progress and true sexual equality is dire.
